Changes—A Delicate Dozen
I’d love to change the world, but I don’t know what to do.
——Ten Years After, I’d Love to Change the World
There are now women in combat roles in the U.S. military. I can’t understand how this change came to be. For centuries, yea millennia, women, Amazons excepted, have only been part of the supporting cast. The reasons for this are numerous. Just a few:
- DSM IV (The Diagnostic & Statistical Manual for Psychiatric Disorders) would have to be amended and a new subset of psychiatric disorder, BHDS, would take its place alongside PTSD. The initials designating Bad Hair Day Syndrome.
- Fighting in high heels would require weeks of additional training that few would master.
- The cost of supplying cosmetics to the troops would exceed the cost of munitions.
- Teams of scientists, now engaged in research involving experiments that could benefit mankind, would have to be delegated to create snag–free and run–free nylons, simply as a cost–cutting measure.
- Frequent truces that would disrupt the flow of battle would be called so that smeared and disheveled makeup could be reapplied.
- The glint from compact mirrors used in the above–mentioned practice would give snipers that ignored the truce an easy target to home in on.
- Combat boots would have to be restyled and made available in a variety of colors and materials.
- Gucci duffle bags for senior female officers and enlisted women would face an uphill battle for approval in Congress.
- The cold logic of battle plans would now have an added air of emotionalism that could thwart predicted outcomes.
10. Maternal leave could leave some components of the fighting corps understaffed at critical times.
11. Necessary nurseries and pre–schools close to battlegrounds would endanger non–combatants.
12. Guns do not come in pink.
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